I write this on a Sunday night in November. I am sitting on my bed in my flat somewhere in England. Music in the background from my iPhone. I'm contemplating turning the heating up. Outside it's raining. It's been raining almost non-stop for days and the country is experiencing some pretty bad flooding. Today I went to my weekend job in a library....another easy day doing very little, actually for very little money. But it's still more money than I'd have otherwise. Tomorrow is the start of another week at my 'regular' job, working for one of the local universities. The job itself is perfectly 'fine' I guess, but however you look at it, I'm still what anyone would call an 'administrator'.
Just looking at that word - administrator - fills me with a mixure of confusion and dismay. Confusion because I have been a dreamer all my life, and have consistently pictured myself doing something out of the ordinary, unique or just unexpected. Dismay because the reality sets in that I've not anything that I imagined doing.
How, at almost 34 years old, is this my reality?
My life is not 'bad' by any stretch. I am very fortunate to have what I have. I don't take this for granted. I don't. But this is not how I want my life to play out.
I need to change it. Completely. Sounds so drastic, but that's what I'm looking for. Not a small change. Not starting a new hobby, joining a new club, starting a new course. I mean a total life change. For me, this would involve leaving everything and everyone I know and moving overseas, changing 'career', starting again....
I am not expecting this blog to be read by anyone other than me. It may end up being a set of intermittent posts in which I lament the fact I'm still stuck in an unchanging position. But I hope not, because I am going to hold myself accountable by writing this blog. I am determined to make the change. I know a HUGE amount of work needs to be done before I come close to packing up and leaving, but I am ready for that.
It's now or never, after all...........
